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A Posh Wooden Floor, and A Very Sore Backside.

Nobody knew the wooden floor in our school better than me. I did the famous walk to the headmasters office weekly. And yes. 6 of the best really does give you a sore backside. But what are the advantages of a wooden floor ?

If you’re as old as I am, and you went to a grammar school or posh public school, then you will have grown up with a wooden floor.I used to love the march down our long school hallway on the way to the head masters office for my weekly lecture, which was generally on the dangers of burning people on the neck with a magnifying glass, or torturing the latest student teacher by firing paper bullets at them with rubber bands. And I can tell you that getting 6 of the best hurts.

It really hurts. You have a sore backside for a month.

The Mary Rose Advantages of Wooden Flooring
The Mary Rose. Made from wood


Our main school hallway was at least a mile long, and was fitted with a traditional oak herringbone floor, installed circa 1925 or something like that. In fact if I remember the whole school was fitted with oak herringbone blocks. Just think about the number of snotty school kids that must have dragged their satchels and rucksacks along its surface over the last 60 years or so. How many pairs of shoes with segs on the heels had bashed the living daylights out of it.

So before I even begin to extol the virtues and advantages of wooden floors, we’ve already dealt with durability. Doing a quick bit of maths, I have calculated that the traffic endured by the hallway alone must have been equivalent to the entire population of the UK walking over it. I’d like to see what a carpet would have looked like after my mates Chopper Barns and Scud would have trampled all over it for a couple of days.

Advantages of Wooden Flooring - Restoration and hand finishing
Restoration and hand finishing

 Advantages of Wooden Flooring and Disadvantages of Everything Else


Of course it’s not all down to performance either. It’s also down to the incredible beauty that nestles under the bark of every single tree. Because a huge log cut directly from a tree is about as stunning as the curves on Kylie Minogues’ backside. And I think I’m in love with both. I can’t think of another type of floor covering that even comes close to wood. Marble ? Only if you want to get piles. Carpets, only good if you want to share your home with creepy crawlies. Polished concrete ? I’d rather live in a small isolation unit in a category A  prison than have a polished concrete floor. Concretes good for car parks, not dining rooms. And its going to last forever. All you have to do is look after it, which as far as I can see, most people don’t. Shame.


The Common Dust Mite

Dermatophagoides Pteronyssinus. The common Dust Mite - Advantages of Wooden Flooring
Dermatophagoides Pteronyssinus. The common Dust Mite

Carpets really are a breeding ground for common dust mites or Dermatophagoides Pteronyssinus if you want to be flash. These little mites live everywhere, not just in your carpets. Next time you jump into bed for a night of romance, just think, you’ll be sharing it with Dermatophagoides Pteronyssinus, so make some space for him. If you want to get rid of dust mites, get a wooden floor, or spend all night looking for them with a small pistol.

I can think of a 100 reasons why wood is such a good option. But I cant think of anything more inspirational than the Mary Rose. Built in 1511, sunk in 1545, rescued from the seabed in 2002, and now being re furbished. How many metal boats have you ever heard of that are dragged for the seabed and restored after almost 500 years.

There are so many advantages of wooden floors over anything else that I would be able to write a book on this subject. They’re environmentally friendly, they don’t house bacteria, they’re a financially sound investment, they look better as they age.

I love my wooden floor almost as much as I love Kylie Minogue. Now that’s true love.

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